whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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