Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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