Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
