i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
