Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom