Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.

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(704): I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless. http://tfl.nu/pksh

Replies (14) Good night (790) Bad night (1453)
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(302): View more from Delaware

is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?

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(302): is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture? http://tfl.nu/hrqs

Replies (4) Good night (1519) Bad night (3897)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.

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(303): I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer. http://tfl.nu/pliu

Replies (18) Good night (1582) Bad night (4415)
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(727): View more from Florida

I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.

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(727): I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place. http://tfl.nu/vbxd

Replies (18) Good night (6063) Bad night (1129)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

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(802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3

Replies (41) Good night (7476) Bad night (1682)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it

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(301): I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it http://tfl.nu/ek0f

Replies (7) Good night (3398) Bad night (949)
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(712): View more from Iowa

We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.

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(712): We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this. http://tfl.nu/g847

Replies (16) Good night (3752) Bad night (1091)
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(909): View more from California

I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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(909): I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar http://tfl.nu/dhbh

Replies (5) Good night (1745) Bad night (629)
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(518): View more from New York

he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.

(732): View more from New Jersey

do you still have it? i kinda want to see.

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(518): he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner. (732): do you still have it? i kinda want to see. http://tfl.nu/j8xe

Replies (4) Good night (2076) Bad night (718)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.

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(651): His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve. http://tfl.nu/5nws

Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (543)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..

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(401): He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together.. http://tfl.nu/x2kk

Replies (3) Good night (1831) Bad night (837)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.

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(573): Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex. http://tfl.nu/smrh

Replies (13) Good night (1824) Bad night (779)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting

(978): View more from Massachusetts

In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you

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(201): Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting (978): In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you http://tfl.nu/ucjj

Replies (5) Good night (876) Bad night (595)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.

(512): View more from Texas

And loving it.

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(504): I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week. (512): And loving it. http://tfl.nu/c8g6

Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (328)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.

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(+44): Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray. http://tfl.nu/2kem

Replies (6) Good night (551) Bad night (323)

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