i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
