He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts