just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing