Texts From Last Night

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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?

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  (224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume? http://tfl.nu/qu7s
  Replies (8) Good night (4563) Bad night (994)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.

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  (517): just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder. http://tfl.nu/xinc
  Replies (27) Good night (1435) Bad night (4874)
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  (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
  Replies (30) Good night (2154) Bad night (10174)
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  (716): View more from New York

  strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them

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  (716): strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them http://tfl.nu/3anm
  Replies (10) Good night (3358) Bad night (1759)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.

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  (219): So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers. http://tfl.nu/p4nm
  Replies (7) Good night (2490) Bad night (791)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.

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  (404): Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800. http://tfl.nu/a5yx
  Replies (15) Good night (2735) Bad night (822)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.

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  (314): I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night. http://tfl.nu/0xi5
  Replies (5) Good night (1817) Bad night (1005)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.

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  (910): You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear. http://tfl.nu/21wf
  Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (2783)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.

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  (419): I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation. http://tfl.nu/t73g
  Replies (2) Good night (983) Bad night (775)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.

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  (757): Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch. http://tfl.nu/5xkl
  Replies (11) Good night (1128) Bad night (795)
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  (916): View more from California

  The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.

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  (916): The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu. http://tfl.nu/i9o3
  Replies (3) Good night (1672) Bad night (446)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.

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  (847): Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing. http://tfl.nu/jldd
  Replies (14) Good night (1656) Bad night (536)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place

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  (307): He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place http://tfl.nu/50j6
  Replies (4) Good night (876) Bad night (306)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY

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  (425): Sexual Frustration City, population: Me. (423): I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY http://tfl.nu/7zd6
  Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (590)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job

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  (778): I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job http://tfl.nu/qp1e
  Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (286)

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