there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
