You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
