He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
