ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?