He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will be naked everywhere
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
