I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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