saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
