PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
