we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
