I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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