There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
