A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
