He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
