and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
