Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
