What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
