Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
