It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize