I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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