quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How's work?
Spinning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
