when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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