I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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