he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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