I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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