I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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