I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
