I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're too hungover to prance.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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