Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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