Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
