I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
