A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
