I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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