Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Congratulations! We have a period
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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