Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
