I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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