i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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