I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
