I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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