in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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