i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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