Your face is a jimmy john
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
