i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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