I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
