You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
