Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
