i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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