Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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