So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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