So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
