I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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