We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize