you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
