just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
