The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
