if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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