He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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