Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
