His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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