Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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